Boy am I tired! I've been getting home pretty late lately and averaging about 2 hours of sleep before going back to work. Today however, I got a chance to leave early and jumped at the chance to go to a nearby sports bar and enjoy some wings and mojitos.
As my server brought me my fifth or sixth serving of the popular Cuban cocktail, I asked myself this: "Why the hell am I sitting in a damn sports bar sipping cocktails dwelling in the past? Why I say?" Why indeed, was I dwelling in the past? What the hell is happening to me? One of the things that annoys me are people who bring the past back and live in it. People who have been crapped on right on the forehead (right between the eyes) and still stick it out. Am I falling into an emotional bliss of self pity and bitterness? Did I just break a promise over some old disgusting mushy one-sided fling? Oh hell no! PATHETIC!!! Somebody please give me a kick in the ass!
I've been a lifelong believer that no one should be able to press my buttons that way - EVER! But everytime, there is always that one person, that only person who seems to always get to you. Haven't seen or heard from that person in 10 years and yet when you finally do, she gets you. Again.
Why do I still get affected by her? I thought I was over her. I thought I've moved on. I thought that after years of both assisted and self realization, she would no longer have any bearing on me whatsoever. I was wrong. Maybe deep down in me, I thought it would still be possible. Maybe I was hoping for a chance at her. Maybe I was hoping that after all the years, she'd ask herself "What if" while I kept thinking "maybe." Pathetic.
There is nothing to mourn about. Nothing to be depressed about. I wasn't made for this bullshit. This is highschool crap - nothing more but girly drama! This is not the right way to respond. I'm a fighter. A warrior if you will and I shouldn't be down on the ground. I should be on my feet fighting back and I promise by the sword in my hand that I will. No more of this pathetic nonsense. Wasting my time and ruining my body won't help. Arise I will, and havok will be sowed. Thank you for again denting my ego, your time is comming.
As my server brought me my fifth or sixth serving of the popular Cuban cocktail, I asked myself this: "Why the hell am I sitting in a damn sports bar sipping cocktails dwelling in the past? Why I say?" Why indeed, was I dwelling in the past? What the hell is happening to me? One of the things that annoys me are people who bring the past back and live in it. People who have been crapped on right on the forehead (right between the eyes) and still stick it out. Am I falling into an emotional bliss of self pity and bitterness? Did I just break a promise over some old disgusting mushy one-sided fling? Oh hell no! PATHETIC!!! Somebody please give me a kick in the ass!
I've been a lifelong believer that no one should be able to press my buttons that way - EVER! But everytime, there is always that one person, that only person who seems to always get to you. Haven't seen or heard from that person in 10 years and yet when you finally do, she gets you. Again.
Why do I still get affected by her? I thought I was over her. I thought I've moved on. I thought that after years of both assisted and self realization, she would no longer have any bearing on me whatsoever. I was wrong. Maybe deep down in me, I thought it would still be possible. Maybe I was hoping for a chance at her. Maybe I was hoping that after all the years, she'd ask herself "What if" while I kept thinking "maybe." Pathetic.
There is nothing to mourn about. Nothing to be depressed about. I wasn't made for this bullshit. This is highschool crap - nothing more but girly drama! This is not the right way to respond. I'm a fighter. A warrior if you will and I shouldn't be down on the ground. I should be on my feet fighting back and I promise by the sword in my hand that I will. No more of this pathetic nonsense. Wasting my time and ruining my body won't help. Arise I will, and havok will be sowed. Thank you for again denting my ego, your time is comming.
Pain doesn't necesarrily mean death,
What hurts and doesn't kill makes you stronger,
Pain is weakness going away.
- 1SG Gray U.S. Army Infantry
What hurts and doesn't kill makes you stronger,
Pain is weakness going away.
- 1SG Gray U.S. Army Infantry
posted by `STaTiC- @ 6:39:00 PM
1 Comments:
At Tuesday, May 19, 2009 2:07:00 AM ,
Anonymous said...
You are better than that! You are a warrior in all aspects. WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING TO YOURSELF?!
--- someone who cares
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